I dreamt it all. But mostly of having a spectacular journey as i go about with living. I dreaded the conventional, and despised the ordinary. I envisioned fireworks not in moments but in processions, having the everyday transformed into a gala affair.
Sitting here today, i look back with fond thoughts of the girl from my yesteryear. That girl is still around, cause i hear her every time my heart feels. Without a doubt, the voices in my head have become more jaded, more cautious over time but its the tiny nudges that i feel the most, coming from somewhere deep within me - telling me to dance in the rain even though everybody is watching, prompting me to love and live with no boundaries, no fears, no regrets. Most definitely, maybe even more than others - the child in me lives on, in its own strong but subtle way.
And with everyday passing, i am coming to terms with the fact that in my own ordinary way, i am extraordinary. I've had my share of failures, broken dreams, and dissapointments but through it all, i had a good fun. I've made mistakes, but they were my mistakes because i allowed myself the freedom to screw up every now and then. All in all, my experiences have shaped me, but they hardly define me. Living for the moment, it was all done with an enormous amount of passion and enthusiasm and qouted from a Sneaker Pimps song , 'i live my life like i bleed, too much'. Almost manic, how the whole world brightens up when i'm happy, and the intensity in sadness when i lose my smile.Yet through it all, i am hopeful and that is the child in me speaking.
Perhaps it is that girl from my yesteryear who will be my savior.
'I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity'.
Gilda Radner
