I have been having doubts about this blog. Its intended purpose was to act as an avenue for self-expression. But I fucked up. I advertised this blog with no mercy, for the world to see. Its not so much the world I am concerned about. I'm cool with the world. Rather.. My concern lies in the fact that people I know might read something that they should not be reading... Somehow I feel that I have become constrained in my expression.
I have extremely high expectations of myself. So high, that its
unrealistic. So high, that its ridiculous. Its a mighty task to let go of that
guard, that mask - No, I'm not perfect. Sometimes my life sucks. Often, I am
bored and uninterested.
But today in class, my wise boyfriend said something profoundly intelligent. Something that made my ears all perky and created a huge, invisible thought bubble that shouted 'AHA!!!'..
'Confident people don't take themselves
too seriously. They mess up, they laugh at themselves.'
How interesting that he relates having a sense of humor about oneself to cofidence.
I really never looked at it like that. I take myself way too seriously. I am unforgiving when it comes to mistakes that I have made, uncompromising when it comes to decisions that I've made. And I shake at the thought that I am exposed, left vulnerable..
But you know, its okay to be vulnerable [especially when you're vulnerable without putting yourself in the path of danger and peril]. It teaches you how to be strong. Despite how strong we feel at times, we could always be stronger. Life is tough. She throws you curve balls all the time.
So, I learnt this today [ which is of course straightforward in theory but amazingly complex in reality]. That its not cool to 'sweat the small stuff because in life, Everything is small stuff'.
Kick back and enjoy.
